01:41pm 30/07/2009
  So Jude Law is expecting another kid with some Ex-Girlfriend...

I read that and all I cold think was...awesome...another fucked up celeb kid on the way to add more entertainment drama news to my life! Look out paris, and nicole, and the willis girls...there is a new Law on the way!!!!		  
     
made a wish
 
   
03:49pm 08/07/2009
  Schol sucks so much...the goverment has to make things so fucking complex...damnit  
     
made a wish
 
   
02:35pm 05/05/2009
  NOOOOOOOOO DON DELUISE....WHY WHY....WHAT CRUEL WORLD IS THIS?  
     
made a wish
 
   
12:32am 28/04/2009
  I hate liars.  
     
made a wish
 
Just writer Sucker across my forehead...   
01:47pm 18/03/2009
  This week has sucked so much. You know when it rains it pours or some shit like that.

I feel like I was totally taken advantage of of played the fool once more. I hate my niavite sometimes. I always wanna believe the best in people but you know what...People are jerks they don't care about anyone but themselves. Prime example of that is my father and you would think seeing how much of a pain I think he is I would stop trying to date people like him. I would look for people who already had their shit together and were not so self centered, but I don't and why because I wanna help the poor soul out. What a joke that is right? People like that don't want your help because they don't really care about you they just wanna use you and then toss you away when it's all said and done.

I don't believe in love at first sight...I never have I think it's a joke. I believe in lust and desire at first sight but those are not love love has to grow and develop. But this time I was actually getting ready to change my answer to say you know what maybe love does happen at first sight. Just shows how stupid I am for even trying to rethink that one. No it was lust but you know what it was lust of? Yeah not so much sex or anything like that it was just lust for a relationship. I really thought I was doing well and good with out one that I didn't really need one right now in my life, but the truth is... I miss the whole being an 'us' thing. I miss calling someone up and just rambling about my day or listening to them do the same. I miss a warm hug of encouragement or the tender little kiss to make things all better. I miss having the words 'I love you,' be the last words I hear at night and the first ones I feel when I wae up. God it's so sappy but it's true.

I can't deal with a relationship now...I just have too much on my plate. Work, school, it's sad those things should have become so damn demanding lately. I have to change that. I hve to force myself to go out, meet people, do other things that I enjoy that I no longer seem to have time or engery for...damnit I don't wanna be sucked into this life were all I do is exist. To qoute the amazing Micheal York, "You can live...live....you don't have to die." I'm going to start using that as my creedo...to live and not die...to want more that just an existance...to have a life. I've got to push through all my fears and insecurities and make my way out into this crazy fucked up world.		  
     
made a wish
 
   
08:26pm 12/02/2009
  OMG THE MOVIE TITUS SUCKS!

I HATE SHAKESPEARE!

WHAT A DICK!

ANTHONY HOPKINS SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED THE CRY AS FATHER...FUCK!

AND AND AND MATTHEW RHYS....HE IS TOO FUCKING ADORABLE TO EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER BE SUCK A BIG FUCKING COCKSUCKER!

I mean, Alan Cumming and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers....I get it they are asses from time to time....but not my little matthew....sob...now I wanna kill myself, Jesus.		  
     
1 Blew a kiss and made a wish
 
   
09:26pm 08/02/2009
  I hate aim....and I hate my computer lol so freaken frustrating!  
     
made a wish
 
I wanna know what love is...   
11:00pm 28/12/2008
  Once more I allowed myself to get sucked in by you...what a fool.  
     
made a wish
 
Jason Mraz...he brings families together...   
03:48pm 02/12/2008
  ( Jason Mraz bringing the Wood family all together )  
     
made a wish
 
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick   
03:31pm 02/12/2008
  Let's have some fun this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Don't think to much just bust that kick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

Let's play a lovegame
Play a lovegame
Do you want love?
Or do you want fame?
Are you in the game?
The lovegame

And all I could think about during this entire song was old Gregg!

Do you love me...are you playing a love game?

What a fucker!


( Old Gregg )		  
     
made a wish
 
A moment of silence please.   
06:11pm 24/11/2008
  CONCORD, N.H. - Screenwriter John Michael Hayes, nominated for Academy Awards for the classic Alfred Hitchcock film "Rear Window" and for "Peyton Place," has died at age 89.

Hayes, who was involved in Dartmouth College's film studies program, died of natural causes Wednesday at a retirement community in Hanover, John Wilson of Rand Wilson Funeral Home said Monday.

Hayes also had collaborated with Hitchcock on "To Catch a Thief," "The Trouble with Harry" and the 1956 remake of Hitchcock's "The Man Who Knew Too Much." His most recent writing credit is the 1998 film "Iron Will."

Hayes was born in Worcester, Mass., in 1919. He got his start writing for newspapers and radio. After paying his way through school at Massachusetts State College, Hayes moved to Hollywood. There he landed a job writing for Lucille Ball's radio program "My Favorite Husband" and the serial drama "The Adventures of Sam Spade."

His radio work caught the attentions of Universal Studios, which hired him as a screenwriter in the early 1950s.

Hayes donated his collection of scripts, photographs, letters and clippings from his Hollywood career to Dartmouth College in 1990.		  
     
1 Blew a kiss and made a wish
 
   
03:19pm 05/11/2008
  I feel like such a loser today.

You ever just feel like the fat dumb kid in your class? You know just sitting there and no matter what you do you are just always behind...your golas are just out of reach...

I didn't get into the art program at school today. I have two more times to try for it and I will, just...I dunno for years now I have just had this whole barely treading water feeling and this just adds to it I guess.

I dunno, I just kinda wish today was over.		  
     
2 Blew a kiss and made a wish
 
   
11:28pm 18/10/2008
  I knew we had grown apart....I just didn't realize how vast that divide had become.  
     
made a wish
 
   
10:51pm 02/10/2008
  I never really thought I was sucha super worrier but I swear...tomorrow all just better go well because I can't get any rest until then.  
     
made a wish
 
It's a tall order for a paitent mother fucker!   
02:58am 19/09/2008
  Seriouly...fuck it.

For once in my life since high school...no one is sick or dieing or whatever...no for once I have time to be selfish and really focuse on me and my school work. I have a running car, a steady job...life should be freaken awesome.

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. If one more thing fucks up for me...just one...I am going to go postal...I mean like burn the place down and shoot the people who coming running out of it postal!

I am so sick of when I am on track everything has to come crashing in around me...what lesson are the powers that be trying to teach me? Life sucks? I GOT THAT ONE! I have no control? GOT THAT ONE TOO JERKFACES! I swear I have never ever felt so on edge in my entire life...and this fucking desk top....OMG if I don't get some memory in it soon....I am going to blow it up.

I have no time or patients for fuck ups right now! I have major bills due. I have to call and get my loan fixed because apparently once more the school has told them I am no longer a student. I have to remake doctor appointments before my mother flips out on me. I am pretty sure my tire has a slow leak which might be why my car has recently taken up guzzling my gas like some drunken whore. I have a huge portfolio due...which the jumpdrive for it got wet so who knows if any of that was corupted. I have a drawing and three grayscales due and just fuck I have no time for anything and when I do take a moment to breath...my mother has to let in on me for something another...ugh just really?		  
     
made a wish
 
Today fucking blows   
10:52pm 09/09/2008
  I have this horrid tendency to overreact about things. Ugh It's something I am working on but so far...well it's a long road.

I was feeling great when I got my paycheck at work. Yes, going to get out of my financial hole that I am in due to some random credit card I didn't even know I had.

I called my mom and asked her to look up my bank account and see how much in the whole I was and she was mad that I hadn't done it but she said she would after dinner and then call me back at work. Only she never called me.

I am 23 years old but my greatest fear has always been to come home and find my mom dead...I know it's stupid, but it's my fear. I called and called and couldn't get hold of her. I called my brother and couldn't get a hold of him either. It wasn't until after closing at work that I fainlly got in touch with Ben and I told him that I couldn't reach mom, my phone was dieing, my gas light was on and I had no money or anything because of this stupid credit thing and I was worried about mom.

She was sitting at home in her bedroom and she blessed me out for not having the house phone cord plugged back up for the phone and she didn't answer her cell because she had put it on vibe. I was so fucking mad! I plugged up my phone to charge it after she slamed her bedroom door on me and then there is a knock on the door and my uncle and brother walked in...and then they yelled at me for not calling to let them know everything was okay....Ugh I had just put my phone on the charger and I was getting ready to call them as soon as I could get it on, but know I got blessed out again.

Then my school sends me this thing telling me that they are going to delet my classes and all if I don't pay by 9/11....and I am still waiting on my loan and god today just blows. I hate being reduced to tears and feel like all this is my fault. Stupid or not I paniced and got scared that I was going to come home and find my mom dead and this all jsut spiralled out of control form there...just fuck.		  
     
made a wish
 
It never rains...it just pours   
03:46pm 04/09/2008
  So I am like $300 in the hole with my bank account. Yeah I have been depositing checks left and right and when I went to look to see how much money I actually had left...yeah.

Apparently this credit card that I was told I was denied...I wasn't...yeah no it went right on through and not only did it go right through...there was a charge of $202 dollars placed on it...and taken directly out of my account. Yeah I have never felt so completely blind sided in my entire life. God and I am so angry at the chick who set this up for me...I just find the whole fucking thing unbelievable. I just, yeah you know what I am depressed. I finally thought I was getting my stuff together. I have been busting my hump in these classes for school and all and I was feeling really good about that and how I was handling my money...and then this pops up.

So yes Michelle I was already to pay you for the ticket...but it'll have to wait until next week sometime when I get my paycheck sorry. And then that...that is a whole other thing, like I had to be indebted to my friends...and yeah now I can't pay her back.

It's just so damn frustrating...and I am relaly getting to where I just absolutely hate my job. I get no enjoyment out of it at all anymore. Which granted it was a crappy job to begin with...but now it just seems worse. And then the guy I work for on Sunday and do tech for...yeah I can't come to rehersal tonight so he is mad cause now he has to find someone else and he told me not to even bother shoing up Sunday...I'm just kinda over feeling like the red headed step child.		  
     
1 Blew a kiss and made a wish
 
   
11:04pm 22/08/2008
  I'm pretty sure I shouldn't feel like this day just keeps getting worse and worse by the second.

I need just one little thing to go right and help brighten my life.		  
     
made a wish
 
   
04:25pm 22/08/2008
 
mood: dirty
So I am not a huge Joshua Jackson fan...I mean he's a pretty lousy actor in my book (sorry Michelle) but I mean he's kinda pretty. Not the I gotta rape you right now pretty...but pretty.

However I am convinced that if Bruce Willis and Joshua Jackson were to have a kid and shave his head and put him in a newboy cap...yeah dork him up like Daniel Powder...yeah I am pretty sure I would have to fuck him right where he stood if I could...because yeah...that guy...HE'S IN MY HISTORY CLASS! I swear I never have issues paying attention class because of how someone looks but all I did was stare at this poor dude...and stare hard.

So yeah, gonna fail history....but odly okay with that.



And totally random...Michelle...the more and more and I think about it...I really like Shutter.		  
     
1 Blew a kiss and made a wish
 
Why so serious?   
01:15pm 17/08/2008
 
mood: drained
I really wish I could get my head together.

I swear I get myself into mess after mess because I never think clearly anymore. It's like I am walking around in this weird fuzz where nothing makes sense and I can't focus on anything. I think I am doing so well with everything....only to realize how completely wrong I really am.

I want to be more than a drone. I want to get a job doing what I love, but the only way to do that is to go to college and you know what....I'm really already over college. I love school and I love learning, but all the bullshit that comes with a university...it's just not for me. I have no patience for it anymore...well for anything really anymore.

This has already started out as a long semster...hopefully I'm just wrong and having an off day cause I swear after last semester...I am ready to quite and head off to some crap community college or tech school which I just feel like more and more I should have done to start off with, but oh no those schools aren't a university...everyone needs to go to a university. I don't think so, I personally think that the whole college thing is grosely overrated. There are very few jobs out there in which you actually need a college degree. Yeha I know crazy right? Yes if you have a degree you might get paid more or you might get picked for a better raise, but in all honesty....you could learn everything you needed to know about that job with hands on experience. Which is why more and more I find myself trying to figure out what the hell I exactly want to do and find a job now doing that instead of working at some crappy fast food place...which if I wanted to run a resturant and all I guess that would be as good a place as any to start, but it's not for me.

Now the hard part...where does one look for a job doing that which they love? I'll admit it, I love acting, I love anything that has to do with the theatre....but I have no idea how to get into that. I mean not even how to become a stage hand, which I would be content in doing...or a film loader at a tv station. I love photography, I would love to get a job just being a receptionist at a photo studio...or work at some kinda museum you know. It's frustating once you kinda start to see your dreams unfurl...like you can see then end but you aren't sure how the hell you are suppose to get there.

I swear frustration can relaly sum up my life, frustration and fear. Why haven't I just dropped out of college? Afriad of what my family would say. Why haven't I really gone for this art thing? Afaird I don't have the talent. Why haven't I pursued my writing or acting or anything like that? Fear of not having what it takes. Why have I not gone out with some guys? Fear of not being good enough. Why haven't I looked for another job or moved out from home? Fear of failure.

Fears are so sufficating. They strangle you. They are like having this huge dead weight around your neck...they drag you down deeper, and deeper, and deeper into dispare. But the dispare seems to faimliar we would rather have that then face the unknown. God what does that say about me?

I find myself disgusted with myself. What kinda exisitance am I making for myself. What kinda life am I carving out on my own? I swear I bring up more questions than I really answer...or maybe I don't answer them because I already know the answer. The answer is simpley...I'm a loser. I know everyone says then whole, Oh don't be so hard on yourself...you're still young. No I have to be hard on myself because I am young and I am wasting my youth!

I have so many dreams and desires...but I never fullfill them. Like for example, there is this summer trip comming up, ten days in London and Paris...I relaly wanna go. I love to travel, but it cost $3,000 so for course that means I can't go right? Let's face it, all the money I make goes to school, gas, fixing up the car, groceries, and a little movie here and there. Why is money always my obstical? I am tried of feeling like I was born on the wrong side of the tracks you know? There have been so many things that I have just let slip right past me because of money. Because I am afraid of trying to get started only to realize I don't have.

This all just boils down to me being tired and exhausted or run around in circles and not understanding why I'm not moving forward. There is need for change...if only I can manage to squash my fears.		  
     
made a wish
 
 
colinman
 
 
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